How to Improve Your Conversation Skills and Make Friends
by Joshua Uebergang
If you are a shy or nervous person by nature, than simple conversations can often be arduous, excruciating affairs, with all of your fears and anxieties plaguing your thoughts and actions. But never fear, there is a simple remedy for you to defeat these fears and anxieties – building for yourself a basic foundation of good conversation skills. Once you improve your conversation skills, you will gain confidence and watch the shyness and nervousness melt away.
RELAX The easiest way to keep from stumbling all over yourself in a conversation is to try to relax, stay calm, and quiet your racing mind. Become confident by breathing deliberately and slowly to establish a rhythm and you’ll soon be able to focus clearly on what you wish to say in conversation.
ASK MEANINGFUL OR CLARIFYING QUESTIONS This is an important conversation skill. The ability to expand the discussion through insightful and engaged inquiries reveals to your counterpart that, not only are you paying attention and invested in the conversation, you are taking the time and effort to thoroughly think it through, and that you are willing to cover a particular thing from every possible angle.
GO WITH THE FLOW Don’t try to force the conversation to places where it doesn’t want to go. Every conversation as its own particular flow and pace, and it is important to ascertain its rhythm early on to make sure you are in sync with your conversation partner. Don’t push it faster than it wants to go, but don’t be so slow that you hold it up either. A good conversation should feel natural, spontaneous (even when its scripted or outlined) and fluid.
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK, BUT NOT TOO MUCH Effective conversation skills involves consideration and sensitivity. Always try to be thoughtful in conversation, and be considerate of what and how you say things, but do not become paralyzed by thought. This will take practice to get the hang of, but it will come with time.
The ideal here is to take a couple of seconds to consider what you want to say and exactly how you want to say it before doing so. Never take more than 20 or 30 seconds to respond, though, as such long pauses tend to absolutely kill conversations in their tracks.
KEEP IT SIMPLE Don’t get ahead of yourself, and don’t try to get cute when in a conversation. Don’t over-complicate the subject you are discussing and be as clear and direct and SIMPLE as possible, for your benefit and the benefit of your conversation partner.
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Comments
thanks, it seems that you really love tennis, i hope i will be able to watch you playing..:D
Im a shy type, but i always envy someone who can speak good in public confidently..but im happy i am always invited to be a speaker..hehehe! i discuss about bookeeping..and i treasure the plaque that was given to me..its a small group of women and most of them are officer of their own respective barangay..(so, its a small crowd only..hehehe)
and i am pretty much sure you are an excellent speaker..you can very well deliver your message..
hahaha! ok…what is line dancing?
do you need to fall in line and dance?
i would love to try pole dancing…hehehe..
and by the time you will run as brgy captain in Ubay, Bohol i am willing to be a flying voter..hehehe!
now you owe me two things…the line dancing and playing tennis.. 
btw, its ok with to do these things some other time, maybe on your next visit, remember its a quick visit only and youll be here to attend friends wedding.
i have a chatmate from US, gusto ko siya ka chat kasi i feel special and para ma practice english ko…hahaha! he is a nice person at sabi nya visit nya daw ako dito pag may time..
from australia sha, minsan nga iniisip mas sincere ang mga puti pagdating sa relationship kesa sa mga pinoy..feeling ko lang…kasi sila special ka talaga..pero yung ibang pinoy susme..puros bola. whew! di mo na alam kung kelan nagsasabi totoo..and (sorry the word ha!) mga manyak! ssshhh! hehehe! ok lang naman kunti wag lang to the highest level..hehehe!
thats nice..holiday today dito..katamad..parang sunday ang feeling…galing ako dun sa haus ng frnd ko gawa kami giveaway this christmas. Kalungkot ng christmas..:(
muslim holiday, uu theres no place like home..yung mga last post mo you sound bitter…why? basta always remember how bless and lucky we are compared dun sa ibang may sakit atdi makakain 3x a day frnd. Yang problema may solusyon lagi..i believe na di ka bibigyan ng problema kung di mo kaya..appear tayo dyan diba?
yes, ang bigat kasi…ako may kasungitan din or katarayan minsan pero ayoko ng may kasamaan loob…kaya minsan i said sorry lagi kahit di ako may kasalanan..wag lang ma abuso kabaitan. Masarap at masakit talaga magmahal friend, kaya minsan nakakadala.
mahirap nga yun? ayoko sabihin na they deserve each other kasi di ko sila kilala..but the fact na meron word na lait…whew! i dont think i can still trust this man…unless super duper love mo to at magpaka martir. Sabi nila tinatadtad ng pino na ang martir…hehehehe! or maybe kasi beauty queen kaya atat pa rin ang guy..hehehehe!
hirap lang kasi kasama mo ata jan sa US…diba maliit lang community mga pinoy pag abroad..gather kau every weekend..
hamo na lang sila…dito naman ako. 
let us wish them to last their relationship.
first 3 shots ko frnd for you, inuman na lang tau…hehehe!
forget the diet muna…lambanog from lucena..inum kaba nyan?
ngaun lang naman…
hehehe! ako din naman bihira kaso ngaun kasi may kasama na ako sa bahay..lam mo na pakikisama..pero may time na gusto ko din tlga uminum lagi ko kasama ofismate hanggang cocktail lang naman..cocktail din lang inum namin last nyt..
why not..honestly dito lang ako south gala, kaya di ako familiar dyan sa glorietta or dyan sa Quezon City…di ko nga alam Roces Ave..heheheh! tanungin ko na lang friends ko.
masarap tulog kasi may kunti tama din…hehehe! may guhit din kahit matamis kasi matapang yung alcohol.
eto talo ko pa naglilihi laging antok, kung may BF ako ngayon iisipin ko talaga buntis ako…hehehe! tamad na tamad ako..halos balikan din lang ako,kapagod sa byahe kaya siguro tamad ako. Naglagay na din kami christmas tree sa bahay pero di na ganun kasaya wala na si nanay.. until now di pa ako nakakapag aral para sa subject ko tom. Gumagawa kasi ako ng ppt presentation ko para dyan sa makati.
pag sept 1 pa lang dinig mo na chrstmas songs dito eh..sa mall ganda talaga..hmmm parang may nabasa ko dun sa kabila topic na meron uuwi this christmas dito sa pinas..hehehe! kaw ba yun? sarap kasama family pag christmas…di pa din ako nakakabili gift. chrismas rush na naman..
talaga naka 2 uwi ka ds year? sarap naman..hehehe! mahirap na nga pag ganun…tsaka syempre mag ipon ulit pasalubong..hehehe!
ahhh..parang nabanggit mo dati na tumulong ka sa election nga pala dun sa congressman..hehehe! last may election pala yun.
WOW!talaga, yung boss ko sa law firm dati sha congressman din, lam mo di na naman ako sumipot dun.,,bad ako tlaga.
hehehe!
hi mikey! how are you? sorry ngayon lang ulit nakabisita dito..for sure busy ka na rin buying gifts and attending christmas party. have fun!
This reminds me when i was invited as a guest speaker in our province…goodness after i delivered my speech i want to hide and never be seen again in our place,…hehehe! such a horrible experience! to think that my ex was out in the crowd watching me…hahaha! I thought it was so easy for me to deliver my speech and no need to prepare a draft for that…but what happened was, i keep on repeating my sentence and saying aaaaahhh!
Just last month ive experienced this Mental Block thing when my Prof. called me for a graded recitation…i was speechless, shy, not relax, dnt know where to start my sentence and not prepared for the lesson…
So, i think the best thing to do, to remove your fear, your anxiety, and for you to relax and be confident is to be always prepare.. and that way good conversation will follow..
Make friends?
i dont know how to do that…this topic will gonna help me on how to make frnds…(just hope the real one…)